Fresh Starts
by writer29
Summary: A small look into a few pieces of Sam and Dean's past, living through the years with John still grieving. Possibly the reason Dean stepped up to raise Sam and a reason Sam left.


_Wow, I can honestly say it's been a while since I've been on here and since I've wrote anything! But I'm back with a short little fic that I hope everyone enjoys. This is basically all set pre-series, so no real spoilers for anything. Although this came from a question my friend asked, "Why did Sam seem angry and not too concerned when Dean showed up? Only stating him being drunk as an excuse." _

_This isn't much, but I hope to get back into writing and hope everyone likes it enough to read and review. _

_Please enjoy and let me know what you think, any critizism is welcome, I know I need lots of improvement._

March 2, 1984

John stumbles home after a late night of drowning his sorrows in booze. Dean is waiting up for him, worried but by now used to it. He might not be very old, but he's old enough to understand the whys and to not say anything. John doesn't even notice Dean standing there, he's holding a bottle of half full whiskey still and stumbling to the nearby chair. John is hardly ever home anymore, but when he is home, he is almost always drunk, or getting there.

Dean hears Sammy crying and silently walks into the bedroom to his baby brother, "Shh, it's okay Sammy," he whispers, stroking the tiny back soothingly. Sam hears his voice and almost instantly calms, stretching out and giving a yawn before falling fast asleep again.

Dean walks into the living room area the next morning to find yet more beer bottles and the empty whiskey bottle lying around the room. He doesn't quite understand what it is, but he knows they stink, worse than Sammy's diapers, and that they make his dad act funny. He also knows they are the reason his dad comes home late and acting weird now, and so his tiny foot kicks at an empty bottle in frustration before he sets out on his almost daily task of cleaning up the mess his father makes.

He hates seeing his dad like this, wants it to stop and sometimes, he wonders what is so appealing about the foul smelling liquid and thinks that maybe one day he'll try it and find out.

* * *

May 28, 2001

Sam anxiously waited for his name to be called. He knew Dean was proud and waiting front row, a small disposable camera at hand. Dean had been telling him it was great that he was graduating, now school wouldn't interfere for either of them on their hunts. But Sam could also see the untold amount of pride Dean had in him for graduating. And Dean had every right to be, if he hadn't helped Sam along, he wouldn't be here, graduating with honors and with a secret full ride to Stanford.

He kept glancing to the side, waiting to see a sign of his dad anywhere in the large crowd. So far, he didn't see him anywhere. Halfway through the ceremony, there is a large bang as the doors clang open. Sam jerks his head to the side to see what caused the disturbance. To his dismay, and like he had thought, okay, maybe a demon or spirit would end up interrupting, but it was his dad.

Sam is delighted that John made it, a large smile creasing his face, only to be replaced seconds later with a frown. Sam can see from here that his father is stumbling in, drunk and hardly able to walk straight. John stumbled in, found a chair in the back and nearly fell from his seat as he attempted over five times to sit. Sam sighed, he was glad his father had remembered to show up, he just wished he had remembered to show up sober.

Five people were ahead of Sam to receive their diplomas when a loud bang interrupts again. John had swayed a little too much and fell from his chair, staggering up, he leaves the gym.

Sam isn't surprised that John didn't stay long enough to watch him graduate.

Sam is more determined than ever to get away and leave to Stanford now.

* * *

July 11, 2002

Sam sees everyone drinking at the party, everyone here wonders why he won't drink more than one bottle, if that, and he never answers their questioned looks.

When Sam met Jess, he knew right away there was something special about her and now that they have been together for a while, he knows it's serious. He can see a future with Jess and maybe a few kids too. He swears the moment the thought hits his head, he will never make his kids go through what he was raised in. And he doesn't exactly mean the hunting supernatural creatures, although he means that too.

He vows to keep his kids safe, from what lays hidden in the shadows, and from the damage he was raised in, alcohol reeking the place from everywhere. He promises that any kids Jess and him may have, they will never have to pray for their father to stop drinking.

He won't set that kind of example for his kids, not as long as he can help it.

Thousands of miles away, Dean's head is killing him.

That last hunt wasn't as easy as he expected it would be. He's noticed that after the 'big blow-out' between his family, John had turned even more to whiskey. But after Dean got injured pretty badly and required sometime in the hospital, longer than usual at any rate, his drinking slowed, he isn't so bad anymore.

At first he didn't know what to think, yes, John still drinks, but he does it in more acceptable times, places, and less consumed in one setting. John hasn't let off the whiskey all the way yet, but it's a start.

And that's something.

_Thanks for reading, please review! _


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